Before I get started, just to let you know, I have waist-length, thick hair, so I'm used to taking care of it. The short hairs that are sticking up are probably broken hairs, or the new growth of hairs that have fallen out. Don't worry; you aren't going bald. Hair breaks and falls out all the time, but if you are careful with your hair, then the breakage is minimized and won't happen as much. They're probably black because they haven't been hit with the sun as much as the rest of your hair. Don't worry about them. A little hair product can make them much less noticeable. If you have a lot of split ends, the only thing that you can do is go to a hairdresser and tell her that you want to grow your hair long, and that you need to get rid of the split ends. You may end up with pretty short hair initially, but better to have short, healthy, good-looking hair than long, stringy, frizzy, scraggly hair. That being said...First, how to brush your hair. As you said, you really shouldn't brush your hair when it's wet. This is because wet hair is weaker than dry hair. If you absolutely have to brush out your hair before it's dry, then wait until it's air-dried a little bit, and make sure that you use a wide-toothed comb. Before you shower, brush your hair so that there aren't any tangles. Something that will help is some kind of a hair smoother. I put a little bit in just before I brush it. (I use Smooth N' Shine Polishing Spray-On Polisher.) You don't need much. Half a spritz in the palm of your hand will do the trick. Rub it between your hands and then over and under your hair. When brushing your hair, always work from the tips to the roots; this will minimize split ends. Be patient. And never, ever yank the tangles. When you get to a knot, just brush out from the bottom of the knot to the top. Once all the tangles are out, you can get in the shower and wash it. To best wash your hair (I wash mine almost every day, though this isn't necessarily recommended), take a little bit of shampoo. You only have hair to your shoulders, so you need like, a dime-sized drop. Rub it between your palms and smooth it over your head. Don't shampoo the ends of your hair. Just the scalp and hair directly on your head. Don't scrub. Just take your fingers and move them over your scalp as if you were trying to rake your fingers through your hair. This will push the shampoo to the scalp without disturbing your hair too much. Don't bother with two different shampoos. TRESemme is a good brand; my second favorite, actually, next to Garnier Fructis. It smells nice and does a good job. You don't need to shampoo the ends anyway. Just use a shampoo for fine or oily hair. When you rinse the shampoo out of your hair, the suds will slide down to the ends anyway, and that will get them quite clean, without roughing them up by scrubbing them or using too much shampoo. The ends of your hair need some of your hair oils to stay protected and healthy. Make sure that when you're rinsing, you smooth the shampoo out of your hair. Shampooing this way has the added benefit of helping to avoid as many tangles. You MUST condition your hair. Not doing so will result in the frizziness you're talking about, and it will contribute to tangles. Conditioner is not an option; it's a necessity for good hair. To use the conditioner, just pour about a quarter-sized amount in the palm of your hand, and smooth it over the ends of your hair, and the very last bit of it that might be left on your palms over your head. You don't need a lot of conditioner for your scalp, and you only need it if the hair there tends to tangle. Leave the conditioner on your hair for the rest of your shower. Wash your body, shave your legs, do whatever else you have to do. The very last thing you should do before getting out of the shower is rinse out the conditioner. Rinse it out with the coldest water you can tolerate. The cold water will close the cuticles on your hair to minimize frizz. Smooth your hands over your hair to GENTLY press some of the excess water out. Then just wrap your hair in a towel for a while. Do NOT rub it. This is one of the reason your hair tangles. Leave the towel on your hair for a while. This will absorb a lot of the water. When you finally take the towel off, there should be some spots that look like they've made some progress in drying themselves. Now it's okay to comb out your hair. Use a little detangler. I use the ION swimmer's detangler, which you can get at any Sally's Beauty Supply. You don't need much. Just a little. Then comb your hair just like you did before you went into the shower. Ends to roots. ALWAYS ends to roots. Gentle, gentle, gentle. The spritz will help you get your hair in order. Then you can blow-dry or air-dry as you see fit. Once your hair is dry, use a little more of the polisher to keep it tangle-free. The benefit is that it also makes your hair shiny. Another good move is to use one of the many, many repair serums on the ends of your hair to keep them from splitting. Keep in mind, split ends are pretty much inevitable, but you can keep the damage to a minimum. You don't have to wash your hair every day. When I don't wash my hair, I just put it up in a bun on top of my head and make sure that the water doesn't hit it. Or you can use a shower cap. I don't recommend wetting it if you aren't washing it since wet hair = weak hair, but you can if you want to, or if you need to re-style. One final note, use the conditioner that's meant to go with your shampoo. They're formulated to work together and you'll get the best benefit from them that way.
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